LOST....

I'm not really sure where to start, I lost my mom about a year and a half ago and it seems that I can't get things of the past out of my head.  I have really bad days and some good days.  I thought that if maybe I would write everything down and get all my feeling out in front of me I could sort through them and deal alittle better. 

I miss her dearly...  Everything that happened around me and in my life from my birth til the day I gave birth to my own she was apart of. Never missed a beat and now not having her here with me, not being able to call when something good happens or when my marriage is having problems,and not being able to share with her every moment of my life...Well it's killing me. She was my rock and it feels as if my rock was pulled out from underneithe me.  There are moments where I feel that I'm standing on top of a mountain and without her there I'm loosing my balance and about to fall.

 It seems as if I'm all alone and no one understands.  They think I should already be dealing with this better and thats just not possible.  My sister and I both took her death very hard though when you compare the two, I feel that I was closer.  There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't call her or vice versa.  Even if it was to just say, "I'm bored!"  I pray everyday that she were here with me just to say I love you or even good bye. 

But, I was lucky enough that my kids did get to know her and love her I just hope that they don't forget her...I try to remind them all the time about her, tell them that she is watching them and that she loves them regardless of where she is.